12-19-08 Krampus

Ooooooo… That kid… You are an evil one, Shanoah. I mean, I already knew you were an evil one, Shanoah. But still… Oooooooooooo…

No, Virginia, Santa isn’t bringing a pretty little dolly to your house. I think that little “incident” with the rope, the can of butane and the cat may have something to do with this. But I do know who Santa is sending you this Christmas, Virginia – one of his Germanic employees with horns and hooves and a serious body hair problem (they hired him to fill their ADA quota) named Krampus!

Since it’s only two days to the Winter Solstice and I consider myself to be something of a pagan, I thought I’d post something pre-Christian. According to Monstropedia, Krampus started out as a fertility spirit (he has horns, after all) while, according to Rotten.com, he’s a Christian-era bastardization of Loki, the Norse trickster god. Krampus is mostly an Austrian thang, though you can find him sporadically throughout the rest of Europe.

And now?

He’s a fetid hellspawn who, oddly enough, is one of Santa’s little helpers. Since he’s a demon, Krampus naturally enough works the “Naughty” (aka “Fun”) list. He carries a bundle of branches for spanking naughty children. The really incorrigible cases (like that kid in your post, Shanoah… ooooooo…) get stuffed in his sack and carried back to Hell with him. And on Dec. 5, the day before the Feast of St. Nicholas, people in Austria dress up like Krampus, have parades and scare the living shit out of kids.

Rawk.

Sadly, we don’t have Krampus parades in the United States (although you can order your own adorable little plushy Krampus right here). So we’ll just have to make do with this commercial that G4 made lo these many years ago.

Courtesy of gunhin888.

Thanks to WFMU‘s Ken for putting me on Krampus’ scent.