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    Sean Daily is an English major from New Jersey now living in Las Vegas, the Other City of Lights. "I consider 'Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas' to be comfort reading, I like the al pastor tacos at Tacos Mexico and I count among my literary influences the Chainsaw from 'Doom'. 'RRRRRR! You don't like that, do you, Mr. Undead Marine! RRRRRR!'"

    Shanoah Alkire is our Discordian at large. "Born in Santa Cruz, I grew up in Grass Valley and the Bay Area, and now lurk in Las Vegas. My literary influences include Ray Bradbury, Lewis Carroll, and Douglas Adams. I also program as a hobby, and currently maintain the Gtk port of Angband. You can find a rather old bio of me here."

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8-20-08 Fountains of Wayne – Hackensack

Posted by Sean on August 20, 2008

Fountains of Wayne, huh?

Ahem. I shall now amaze you with my New Jersey cred, Shanoah, because I know exactly what Fountains of Wayne named themselves after. I may forget my exit (153 off the Parkway, 16W off the Turnpike), but I will never forget Fountains of Wayne.

Fountains of Wayne is named after the Fountains of Wayne outdoor furniture and fountain store in my old home town of Wayne, NJ. It’s on the westbound side of Route 46 near the infamous spaghetti bowl interchange with Route 23 (I heard that there’s a spaghetti bowl in Las Vegas. I laughed, but it was not a good laugh), near the Anthony Wayne fast food restaurant – which seems to have gone out of business, and that’s a shame – and in front of the New Jersey DMV site. You’d love it, Shanoah. Or you’d run out screaming and generally behaving like the narrator at the end of an H. P. Lovecraft story.

You ever walk into a friend’s house, usually an Italian friend’s house [1], and they have, at a conservative estimate, every faux-Roman statue and fountain ever made in the history of mankind? Wonder where they got it all?

They got it from Fountains of Wayne, which has concentrations of completely un-ironic and even anti-ironic kitsch so dense that they warp the fabric of spacetime and bend light into non-Euclidean shapes… which is a good thing, because if you ever got a good look at the stuff on sale there, you’d go blind. Be sure to visit their holiday display around Christmas, which includes every motorized Christmas lawn ornament made since the Paleozoic Era. (You know those news stories they show around Christmas of the people who decorate their houses with upwards of three billion lights and probably have larger electric bills than Boise, Idaho? Guess where they get their ideas from)

Unfortunately, I can’t find any photos of the store on the World Wide Series of Tubes, probably because the NSA wisely removed them, lest they fall into the hands of our enemies. And the store’s Web presence here seems a bit staid; it doesn’t capture, in my opinion, the pure Fountains-of-Wayneness that is Fountains of Wayne, which is a shame.

Turns out that Fountains of Wayne the band is mostly a New York-based band. But since Fountains of Wayne the store is in New Jersey, I’ve chosen their song Hackensack as your neat thing today. It’s a funny song for a Jersey boy who’s left Jersey… but not funny ha-ha.

Courtesy of edited123.

[1] Why can I make broadbrush generalizations about Italians and not about, say, blacks? I’m not sure, but I’m sure Bill O’Reilly will be happy to rant about the subject at length.

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2 Responses to “8-20-08 Fountains of Wayne – Hackensack”

  1. […] 8-20-08 Fountains of Wayne – Hackensack […]

  2. reagan said

    I went to school in hackensact untill 9th grade…and I went on gay ass date with a cute boy to walk through there terribly tacky christmas display (I was 18)…my parents have an equally tacky foutain thing in there front lawn that they purchased at…YOU GUESSED IT!!! Fountains of wayne, leaving jeresy for la is the best thing I ever did!!!

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