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    Sean Daily is an English major from New Jersey now living in Las Vegas, the Other City of Lights. "I consider 'Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas' to be comfort reading, I like the al pastor tacos at Tacos Mexico and I count among my literary influences the Chainsaw from 'Doom'. 'RRRRRR! You don't like that, do you, Mr. Undead Marine! RRRRRR!'"

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7-17-08 Ministry – Jesus Built My Pod Racer

Posted by Sean on July 17, 2008

Keeping up with yesterday’s theme of red hot cars and today’s theme of wheels… how can you even talk about red hot cars without including the reddest, hottest car of all time? That’s right, it’s Jesus Built My Hot Rod by Ministry, off 1991’s Psalm 69. Wikipedia claims this was their first “mainstream” album, which makes you wonder what Ministry sounded like before Psalm 69, huh?

By the way, this post isn’t work-safe, both for the song and one of the videos. You’ll see which video if you scroll down.

Anyway, here’s the official video, courtesy of wmgtesting.

And then there’s the not-so-official videos. A standout was this one, directed by and courtesy of CollotsSpot.

Now, I can understand why the woman would have a blue dong. I even understand why she’d have two blue dongs.

But why the Eugene Hütz-lookalike would have two blue dongs, why he’d be committing high holy blasphemy by showing off his mad dildo-chuk skeelz with said two blue dongs and why there are two blue dongs in this video in the first place is a mystery to me.

But it works. So does that two-sunglasses look.

Then there’s a video that makes you wonder why someone didn’t think of it sooner: Jesus Built My Pod Racer, courtesy of bohabbPerhaps it’s because Star Wars and Ministry aren’t that compatible, the way God and Satan aren’t that compatible.

The pod race was the one bright spot in the general train wreck that was The Phantom Menace. (Talk about wheels in the sky, huh, Shanoah?) The reason was simple. There was no thundering music trying to tell you how to feel (for most of it, at least), no lame dialogue, no monomyth bullshit. It was what made Star Wars and what Star Wars does best: special effects and good old fashioned smash mouth. Normally I hate those, mostly because they’re so prevalent and they’re so very badly done.

But when they’re done right, as they were in the pod race, then it’s high art. And when you combine it with early Ministry…

Speaking of monomyth bullshit… I went to see Hancock last night. And yes, I have… things to say about it. But since I sort of liked the picture, I’m not going to give away any spoilers – unless you click on the “Read the rest of this entry” link, that is.

In general, I liked Hancock. I like the notion of an unlikable and stinking drunk superhero. But I do have problems with the movie.

Now, pointing out logical errors in a superhero movie is, as Martin Sheen noted in Apocalypse Now, like handing out speeding tickets at the Indy 500. But here are a couple of things that have been bothering me.

#1 – Mary Embrey (Charlize Theron) is the other superhuman in this movie, with strength and powers comparable to Hancock (Will Smith). She’s married to Ray Embrey (Jason Bateman), who doesn’t know, and she wants to keep it that way. Fair enough.

The problem is that we see their bedroom, which has a big comfy king bed instead of a chaste I Love Lucy-style two-bed set. This would suggest that the Embreys have a normal married sex life, right? In other words, all Mary has to do is lose control for one second in bed and either pile drive her husband into the foundation (if she’s on top) or pitch him through the roof (if she’s on the bottom). And if Ray should survive being kicked out of bed in so novel a fashion, there would be questions, don’t you think?

#2 – Waitaminnit, Mary’s a superhuman? I thought that Hancock was the only… where did that… huh?

#3 – Later, we see Hancock in a moment of high low comedy smacking Mary in the back of the head with a rolling pin. It doesn’t do anything to her; in fact, it shatters. Ha ha! you say… until you find out later that the two were married at one point.

Is it just me, or does anyone else find Hancock smacking his wife around like that a bit… creepy?

#4 – Lastly, there’s the whole plot of the movie. Hancock is a bastard. Ray wants to clean up his image. So how do they do it? By putting Hancock in jail. Fine, I say. He probably deserves to cool his heels in County for some of the shit he’s pulled… and some of said shit comes back to bite him in the ass, which I like.

But oh no. They’re not going to make the hoi polloi love him because he’s actually taking responsibility for his actions. God forbid. They’re sticking him in jail because – get this – with George Bush Hancock out of circulation, Los Angeles is gonna tear itself apart!

And it does! Crime goes up 30 percent in less than a week! Bank robbers with machine guns and rocket launchers and suicide vests and deadman switches try to rob a bank and make off with a couple tons of money! In broad daylight! And without any plausible way of getting the money out of the vault and transporting the loot without getting pinned down and cut off by the inevitable police response!

Am I the only person who finds this a bit insulting? the implication that just because Daddy’s away, I’m gonna revert, Doctor Moreau-style, into a gun-toting beast of the fields? and that I’ll forget that Daddy was a boozehound who let his fists do the talking and go racing to him when things get a little tight?

You know, the more I read into Hancock, the more I don’t like it… or the superhero genre from which it issued.

And that’s me reading way too much into a movie.


One Response to “7-17-08 Ministry – Jesus Built My Pod Racer”

  1. […] 7-17-08 Ministry – Jesus Built My Pod Racer […]

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