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    Sean Daily is an English major from New Jersey now living in Las Vegas, the Other City of Lights. "I consider 'Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas' to be comfort reading, I like the al pastor tacos at Tacos Mexico and I count among my literary influences the Chainsaw from 'Doom'. 'RRRRRR! You don't like that, do you, Mr. Undead Marine! RRRRRR!'"

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7-9-08 A Death in the Family

Posted by Sean on July 9, 2008

This is a blog that I’ve been dreading all day, but I guess it has to be done.

My father’s grandmother died early this morning. She was 93 years old.

I didn’t know her that well. There was a time when I visited her every year at her home in Fort Myers, Florida, almost like clockwork. But things haven’t worked out too well for me the last few years, skipping from job to job and never having the time or money to travel, and we fell out of touch.

Not that I really felt welcome there. Rather, I had this feeling that I was tolerated as the idiot grandson. My grandmother was sharp as a tack, and a muddle-headed grandson like me couldn’t have inspired much admiration or hope for the future… at least, that what I told myself, over and over and over.

I kept meaning to visit her, but it never happened. Then she had a scare about a month ago – I won’t go into details; I don’t know you that well – and my parents finally talked her into moving in with us. They moved her things into the house and set her up in the room next to mine. I felt like… I don’t know, fear, maybe? Anxiety? Maybe a little dread?

I mean, what if she needed help and I wasn’t able to give it? What health problems would she have? What would the move do to her, physically and emotionally? What care would she need?

Still, it was good knowing that she would live with us. I’ve been trying to get my parents to rent that room, get a little extra cash. Now someone was going to live in it – free, but that wasn’t the point. You don’t charge rent to family, and family was moving in.

I was kind of looking forward to having her. I hadn’t seen her in a while, and the whole experience promised something new and a little frightening. We were counting the days, fixing up her room and fidgeting over where we were going to put all her stuff.

Then I woke up this morning , and my mother met me at the door and told her that she’d died in her sleep.

This may sound terrible, but I don’t know why her death has hit me so hard. I mean, there was a time when Grandma was the free hotel room in Florida and not much else.

But maybe that’s the hook. I’ve run out of time to get to know her, not as just as the free room and board, but as my grandmother, as the mother of my father. I was always too selfish and self-absorbed to really notice her (still am, as a matter of fact; just count how many times I’ve used the words I and my in this post). Now it’s too late to fix that.

This is kind of a thoughtful occasion, so pardon me if I get a little maudlin today. But I want to stew in my own juices, and this is good stewing-in-your-own-juices music.

This is a song that always tugs at my heartstrings, and now more than ever: Enigma’s Return to Innocence.

Courtesy of victorcardosogyn.

Moby’s Porcelain. I have to thank Irwin on WFMU for putting a name to this song for me. It’s one of those songs you know and love, but don’t know the name of.

Courtesy of rstoetzel.

Bad Religion’s Sorrow. This is one that I’ve had on the blog before, but it’s also one I desperately need to believe right now.

Courtesy of pungkers.

Ozzy Osbourne’s See You on the Other Side. It seems kind of strange playing Ozzy for my grandmother. But you take these things where you can get them.

Courtesy of OzzyTheDevil4.

Lamentu di Spanettu, some Corsican polyphony sung I believe by Paghjella (the description is in Corsican, so I’m not sure).

Courtesy of canticorsi.

Some more polyphony, and another song that I’ve had on here before: Tavagna’s L’anniversariu di Minetta.

Courtesy of tof2b.


One Response to “7-9-08 A Death in the Family”

  1. […] 7-9-08 A Death in the Family […]

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