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    Sean Daily is an English major from New Jersey now living in Las Vegas, the Other City of Lights. "I consider 'Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas' to be comfort reading, I like the al pastor tacos at Tacos Mexico and I count among my literary influences the Chainsaw from 'Doom'. 'RRRRRR! You don't like that, do you, Mr. Undead Marine! RRRRRR!'"

    Shanoah Alkire is our Discordian at large. "Born in Santa Cruz, I grew up in Grass Valley and the Bay Area, and now lurk in Las Vegas. My literary influences include Ray Bradbury, Lewis Carroll, and Douglas Adams. I also program as a hobby, and currently maintain the Gtk port of Angband. You can find a rather old bio of me here."

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Archive for the ‘Politics and Other Things In Which I’m Not Qualified’ Category

3-9-10 Why I Will Never Ever Ever EVER Be Able to Take the Tea Party Seriously

Posted by Sean on March 9, 2010

Me, too, Shanoah. I, too, am politicked out. Still, I gots enough juice left in me to share this one little tidbit: why I will never be able to take Tea Party seriously.

As you know, many media outlets often refer to members of the  Tea Party movement as Tea Baggers, which of course instantly brings to my mind this scene from John Waters’ Pecker [1] (starring a criminally underemployed Eddie Furlong, by the way).

Not Work Safe, just because it’s John Waters. Courtesy of nessthing.

Jesus, that’s scary, ain’t it? It’s almost as good as the job the Republicans did for the word “liberal” – almost.

[1] Which should tell you something about my mind.

Posted in fnord, From Sean, Funny, Not Work Safe, Politics and Other Things In Which I'm Not Qualified | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

3-4-10 Satan/Beelzebub: Why Vote for the Lesser of Two Evils?

Posted by Sean on March 4, 2010

Neither do I, Shanoah. I will never regret voting against Jesus/Mary McCain/Palin.

Problem is, that’s a lot of what my vote for Obama was. I stumped for the guy, I voted for the guy, but in the end my vote was largely a vote to keep John “Bomb Bomb Bomb Bomb Bomb Iran” McCain and Sarah “I’m a Yooper Even Though I’m From Alaska, You Betcha!” Palin out of the White House, not a vote to put Obama in it.

Fourteen months in and, even with majorities in both Houses, Obama hasn’t done a whole lot that impresses me. True, a lot of it was picking up the pieces from Bush and, quite frankly, a year of nothing is a refreshing change from eight years of Jesus-Christ-that-idiot-did-what-now. Still, all the changey hopey stuff that we heard about during his campaign is starting to turn into a whole lot of the same old thing.

You’re not supposed to hold your nose when you go to the polls. Maybe that’s what you have to expect, but it’s not what you’re supposed to expect.

I may be asking too much of the American voting system, though. I mean, the only candidate that I wouldn’t have serious reservations about voting for is me, and you don’t want me to be president. These would be just a few of the policies during my remarkably brief administration, which would end either in military junta or armed rebellion. [1]

  • I would replace the expensive, pointless, unethical and boring War on Terror with a War on People Named Ralph.
  • I would make Spock my science advisor and get very cranky when I’m told that he’s a fictional character.
  • I would demand that the Vatican make me Pope and then let them know, with a subtle use of nuclear weapons, what will happen if I am not made Pope.
  • I would invite Osama bin Laden and Rush Limbaugh to fight it out in a Texas steel cage death match (“Two fascist extremist ideologies enter, one fascist extremist ideology leaves.”). Sarah Palin would be the between-rounds card girl. [2]
  • I would replace the National Anthem with the Misfits’ Mommy, Can I Go Out and Kill Tonight.
  • I would make Jedi the national religion and then use my mad Force choke skeelz on anyone who even mentions “separation of church and state”.
  • I would replace the F-22 Raptor fighter jet with Veritechs and get very cranky when I’m told that they’re fictional, too.
  • I would balance the federal budget by selling Arkansas… that is, if anyone would even buy it.
  • I would replace standardized tests in our schools with “Hentai or Not Hentai?”.
  • I would frantically summon my cabinet to my SitRep Room at 3:30 a.m., then pull out a copy of Left Behind and, with a voice slurred into incomprehensibility by cheap gin, yell, “My God, have any of you read this shit?”
  • And if I don’t have a SitRep Room then dammit I’ll make a SitRep Room. It will be very Wii-intensive.
  • My bank bailouts would consist of bailing bank officials out of a plane at 50,000 feet. I might even give them parachutes.
  • My Middle East policy would consist of burning a million tons of chronic in the West Bank, then airlifting in 10 million pizzas and two million XBoxes.
  • All Americans would be forced to adopt fake Indian names. Mine would be Runs Naked Through the Woods.
  • Anyone, and I mean anyone, who tries to make more courtroom porn like Law & Order or forensics porn like CSI will earn himself a come to Jesus with the new U. S. Attorney General, Jigsaw from the Saw movies.
  • And yes, I will get very cranky when I hear that Jigsaw is also a fictional character.
  • The national language would be Huttese. Ho ho ho ho…

Barring that, I guess I could vote for these guys. Having them in charge would rawk.

Courtesy of pipes90.

[1] Dave Barry much?

[2] Try and get that image out of your mind.

Posted in From Sean, Funny, Happy Media, Politics and Other Things In Which I'm Not Qualified | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Don’t Come Around Here No More

Posted by shanoah on March 2, 2010

Totally agreed. Shut them down. Or at least tell them not to come around here any more.

And this music video is proof that Tom Petty is a very strange person. But I’m all about the Alice and Wonderland motif.

Fortunately, at work I sit right by someone who agrees with me on many of these issues, so I don’t have to deal with my co-workers too much on this. And I do still stand by my decision to vote for Obama, simply because McCain was freaky. (And would have done the same thing, unfortunately).

Might even vote for Obama next presidential election, if he’s going up against Palin. But that isn’t saying much. I get fed up with the politicians we’re supposed to choose from. They all seem the same. And none of them want to protect your freedom, or the ideals in the constitution and the bill of rights.

Just lots of people pushing you around, and everyone wanting a piece of you. Much like this music video, actually.

Posted in Batty, Blogs, bulldada, fnord, From Shanoah, Gettin' Yer Freak On, I'm probably going to hell for this, Politics and Other Things In Which I'm Not Qualified | Tagged: , , | 1 Comment »

3-1-10 Public Enemy – Shut ‘Em Down

Posted by Sean on March 2, 2010

Y’know, Shanoah, I work in the middle of Dittoheadland, where war is peace, ignorance is strength, freedom is slavery and ‘Bama-bashing is the national sport. To give you an idea of what I have to put up with, one of my co-workers claimed just last week that the reason American fighter pilots are cocky SOBs is Obama. (Don’t ask) My office mates eagerly attack, pick apart and dissect our high epidermal melanin president and cackle like hens at his every misstep and misfortune.

As the Resident Levelhead, I try to keep my cool. I bite my tongue when my co-workers claim that they don’t trust Obama and then fail to give me coherent reasons as to why he’s lost their trust. I try not to launch into a tirade on democracy and the voting process and the rapacity of the modern GOP when I hear claims that the Democrats are acting like “gangsters” in Congress.

I keep my faith in Barack Obama.

For the most part, I succeed.

And then the bastard pulls shit like this.

And I say, “God damn it.”

Politicians like that may remind you of child-molesting clowns, Shanoah. Me, I just want to shut ‘em down.

Courtesy of dougpark17.

And yes, you’ve heard Shut ‘Em Down on this bat channel before. I suspect you’re going to be hearing it here again, too.

Posted in fnord, From Sean, I Tunes Not U Tunes, Islamocommunifeminihomofascists, Politics and Other Things In Which I'm Not Qualified | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Ogden Edsl

Posted by shanoah on March 1, 2010

Well, Gotham to Gothic isn’t a big jump anyways, Sean. But you said that Cady bought and slaughtered a puppy in front of his daughter.

Well, besides being a cruel and sadistic thing to do, that also reminds me of a song, namely Ogden Edsl’s Dead Puppies. You may be familiar with it from the Dr. Demento show.

Ogden Edsl, being a bunch of very strange chaps, have written other bizarre songs. Here is one of them, Kinko the Kid-Loving Clown. No, I’m not making this up.

Talking about slaughtering puppies, and molesting young children, of course, makes me think of politics. And you all know my opinions on politicians. Especially politicians who signed a one-year extension on the patriot act on Saturday. And news reporters who don’t put it on the news. Grrr. I’d better post this before I get into my own rant…

Posted in Apropos of Nothing, Batty, Blogs, From Shanoah, Funny, Gooey Gummi Goodness, I Tunes Not U Tunes, I'm probably going to hell for this, Not Work Safe, Politics and Other Things In Which I'm Not Qualified | Tagged: , , | 1 Comment »

2-25-10 Frank Miller. The Dark Knight. “Holy Terror, Batman!” ‘Nuff Said.

Posted by Sean on February 24, 2010

UPDATE (3-9-10): I just realized something: I forgot to mention that the bolded text in Frank Miller’s NPR editorial were my emphasis, not his. Sorry about that.

Oh no you didn’t, Shanoah.

You didn’t just write a post linking the Dark Knight and the most misunderestimated Warrior on Terror™ of our times.

You did.

Sigh.

* * * WARNING WARNING WARNING * * *

* BLOG RANT ALERT * BLOG RANT ALERT *
ELEVATED LEVELS OF INCOHERENT AND IMPOTENT VITRIOL DETECTED

My neat thing today is neat only in the way that watching a drunken bum fight is neat: Batman is joining the War on Terror™! Or he will be! Maybe!

Frank Miller announced way way way back in 2006, at San Francisco’s WonderCon, that Batman will be fighting Al Qaeda in a book titled, or possibly titled, Holy Terror, Batman!

He went on to tell the Daily Telegraph: “It is, not to put too fine a point on it, a piece of propaganda – Batman kicks al-Qa’eda’s ass.” [1]

To which I responded with: Oh.

Fucking.

Goody.

This is old news to you comic otaku, of course, but it’s the first thing that popped into my head when I heard Dubya and Batman mentioned in the same breath; we here at One Neat Thing a Day don’t worry ourselves over pesky things like being current or even relevant. I’m not even sure if I believe this story, if it’s a viable project, or if it’s just like Orson Welles directing The Bat-Manjust another hoax. It’s just too wonderful to be real.

Now, you might think that Batman is going to hunt down and destroy Goldstein I mean Al Qaeda for, say, collapsing the Twin Towers and killing thousands of Americans. Hauling supposedly unstoppable and uncatchable criminals before a magistrate (or a criminal psychologist) is Batman’s thing. Done right, with equal parts John le Carré and Operation: Wrath of God and with Batman’s mad ninja skeelz, his aversion to taking life and his… issues, it might actually be a cool read.

If you thought that, then you are a dumbass.

See, Batman’s a superhero, and superheroes are apparently all about creepy, ultimate good/blackest evil, never-the-twain-shall-meet dualisms. You know! Like a comic book! Or G. I. Joe! So Batman kicking Al Qaeda’s collective ass isn’t just about justice or even about justice at all! It’s about Fighting the Good Fight and Ensuring A Better Tomorrow For Our Children™ and Freedom™ and Democracy™ and making sure Sauron doesn’t get the One Ring!

Actually, no, it’s about kicking ass.

Mr. Miller laid out the philosophical underpinnings for Holy Terror, Batman!, not to mention a healthy dose of self-hatred, in a NPR editorial entitled That Old Piece of Cloth that aired, you guessed it, on Sept. 11, 2006:

I was just a boy in the 1960s. My adolescence wasn’t infused with the civil rights struggle or the sexual revolution or the Vietnam War, but with their aftermath.

My high school teachers were ex-hippies and Vietnam vets. People who protested the war and people who served as soldiers. I was taught more about John Lennon than I was about Thomas Jefferson.

Both of my parents were World War II veterans. FDR-era patriots. And I was exactly the age to rebel against them.

It all fit together rather neatly. I could never stomach the flower-child twaddle of the ’60s crowd and I was ready to believe that our flag was just an old piece of cloth and that patriotism was just some quaint relic, best left behind us.

It was all about the ideas. I schooled myself in the writings of Madison and Franklin and Adams and Jefferson. I came to love those noble, indestructible ideas. They were ideas, to my young mind, of rebellion and independence, not of idolatry.

But not that piece of old cloth. To me, that stood for unthinking patriotism. It meant about as much to me as that insipid peace sign that was everywhere I looked: just another symbol of a generation’s sentimentality, of its narcissistic worship of its own past glories.

Then came that sunny September morning when airplanes crashed into towers a very few miles from my home and thousands of my neighbors were ruthlessly incinerated — reduced to ash. Now, I draw and write comic books. One thing my job involves is making up bad guys. Imagining human villainy in all its forms. Now the real thing had shown up. The real thing murdered my neighbors. In my city. In my country. Breathing in that awful, chalky crap that filled up the lungs of every New Yorker, then coughing it right out, not knowing what I was coughing up.

For the first time in my life, I know how it feels to face an existential menace. They want us to die. All of a sudden I realize what my parents were talking about all those years.

Patriotism, I now believe, isn’t some sentimental, old conceit. It’s self-preservation.
I believe patriotism is central to a nation’s survival. Ben Franklin said it: If we don’t all hang together, we all hang separately. Just like you have to fight to protect your friends and family, and you count on them to watch your own back.

So you’ve got to do what you can to help your country survive. That’s if you think your country is worth a damn. Warts and all.

So I’ve gotten rather fond of that old piece of cloth. Now, when I look at it, I see something precious. I see something perishable. (emphasis mine)

We all went crazy on Sept. 11, 2001, I think. We acted like wounded animals. It didn’t matter who got hurt, so long as someone did. That’s natural and expected.

The problem is that a lot of people didn’t snap out of it. Mr. Miller appears to have been one of them.

So what’s he going to do to Help Our Country, Warts And All, Survive?

He’s going to write a comic book where a grown man in a bat costume beats the living shit out of some Third World guys with beards.

I guess it shouldn’t surprise me. After all, Mr. Miller is the man who brought us the spectacle of 300, which pitted the slave-owning and despotic free and democratic Spartans against the swarthy invading hordes of Iran Persia.

But he’s got something better than 300 tanned, oiled, ripped and barechested Greeks chopping apart Arabs Persians in slow motion this time! As he told the Daily Telegraph: “Superman punched out Hitler. So did Captain America. That’s one of the things they’re there for.”

No, Mr. Miller.

Superheroes are about justice, helping the helpless, defending the defenseless and making this gravity well a better place to live in, not kicking ass. There is a difference, even if many people have forgotten that.

More importanly, though, Mr. Miller, Al Qaeda is not Hitler or Tojo.

Nazi Germany and her ally Japan were threats because they had some of the biggest armies and navies in the world, not to mention plenty of land, resources and subjects from several years of unrestricted empire building. Nazi Germany also had the most advanced weapons and military hardware in the world, at least at the start of World War II. Nazi Germany conquered most of Europe, and Japan most of the Pacific and much of Asia. Nazi Germany also gassed people and then stuffed them in ovens, and Japan raped Nanking and then raped women and called them “comfort women”. Both did involuntary medical experiments, used work-em-till-they-drop slave labor and killed millions.

Al Qaeda, on the other hand, has no expeditionary capability whatsoever. It has no navy. It has no air force. It has no way to land an army on our shores or parachute them behind our defenses. It doesn’t even have an army, unless you count a bunch of guys with AKs, mortars and improvised bombs (emphasis on the “improvised”).

The only reason we even care about Al Qaeda, besides the aforementioned dragging them before a magistrate,  is because they might get their hands on a nuke or launch a terrorist attack inside the U. S. – and quite frankly, stopping those are jobs for our spies and our police, not our soldiers.

‘Course, this is a moot point because we’re not even fighting Al Qaeda. We’re fighting the Taliban in Afghanistan and a bunch of extremely pissed-off Iraqis in Iraq. (Yes! We’re still in Iraq! And still fighting in Iraq!) We don’t even know where Al Qaeda is. They might be in Afghanistan. They might be in Pakistan. They might living above your Aunt Tessie’s garage. We don’t know, thanks to George W. Bush invading Iraq and then giving his dad the finger. All we know is they’re out there, we can’t find them and we can’t touch them.

But there are other scary motherfuckers with beards out there! Oh goody! Let’s bomb them!

This, of course, reaches to the heart of why Batman fighting Al Qaeda creeps me out. I look at the U. S. Armed Forces – the most advanced, most ass-kickingest combined military force in the world – and then I look at the people they’re fighting. I don’t see Nazi hordes. I see a couple brown-skinned guys with AK-47s, the Weapon of Choice for the fighter on a budget.

Yes, they’re religious fanatics and drug dealers.

They’re also dirt poor and fighting us with whatever piecemeal weapons they can scrounge – and fighting us in their backyards and their homes, I might add.

This is your “existential threat” to America and Freedom™ and Democracy™, Mr. Miller? And why do I suddenly feel like I’m in Star Wars and our soldiers are wearing white plastic armor and saying things like “rebel scum”?

Why do I feel like I’m on the side of the Empire and not the rebels? Why do I feel like one of the bad guys?

Can you answer me that, Mr. Miller? Can you answer me why I would support a idle multi-billionare ninja with more Wonderful Toys than James Bond and his own personal War on Terror™?

Almost everything about the invasions of Iraq and Afghanistan and the War on Terror™ and post-2001 McPatriotism in general makes me feel greasy and icky and corrupted. But happy Mr. Miller doesn’t appear to have a problem with any of that, which is why he’s treating us to yet another spectacle: a rich playboy with father issues [2] beating up  poverty-wracked brown-skinned people.

There’s also something cheap and exploitative about this project. As Mr. Miller told Rotten Tomatoes in 2007: “It’s bound to offend just about everybody.” Even the title (or one of its titles) is cheap, like the campy 1960s TV series that it takes inspriation from: Holy Terror, Batman!

This is what’s happened to our heroes. Once, they stood for something. Now they’re direct-to-DVD from Troma.

Actually, I shouldn’t drag Troma into this. When they offend people, they do it right. They make pointless, gratuitous, drop-dead funny sex and violence. They don’t make propaganda for The Man.

Don’t get me wrong. I still think that he should publish Holy, Terror, Batman! [3] As he told the Daily Telegraph, “It’s an explosion from my gut reaction of what’s happening now, a reminder to people who seem to have forgotten who we’re up against.” Writing can be therapeutic, and if Mr. Miller was as traumatized as he seems by Sept. 11, 2001, then more power to him. If nothing else, it’s honest.

Still, if he wants therapy, maybe he should follow the advice of fellow Batman author Grant Morrison [4]:

Batman vs. Al Qaeda! It might as well be Bin Laden vs. King Kong! Or how about the sinister Al Qaeda mastermind up against a hungry Hannibal Lecter! For all the good it’s likely to do. Cheering on a fictional character as he beats up fictionalized terrorists seems like a decadent indulgence when real terrorists are killing real people in the real world. I’d be so much more impressed if Frank Miller gave up all this graphic novel nonsense, joined the Army and, with a howl of undying hate, rushed headlong onto the front lines with the young soldiers who are actually risking life and limb ‘vs’ Al Qaeda. (emphasis mine)

For that matter, I wish all the “real men” and “patriots” who support the War on Terror™ and the Eternal Struggle Against Elemental Evil would follow Morrison’s advice. Maybe they’d get an idea of what war is really like. Maybe they wouldn’t support it so thoughtlessly and relentlessly next time.

Maybe there wouldn’t be another 9/11.

That’s what would make the world a better place.

[1] The Daily Telegraph adds: “In this compendium of all his statements, bin Laden does not name Batman personally, but attacks America as ‘the Great Satan’ for exporting a culture of pornography and violence.” Nobody does sarcasm like the Brits. Nobody.

[2] George W. Bush?

[3] I also think that Troma should adapt Holy Terror, Batman! into a movie. Seeing a terrorist doing a Troma Meltdown after being punched in the face by Toxic Avenger Batman would make my life complete.

[4] I also love Morrison’s take on Batman: “…I want to see a Batman that combines the cynic, the scholar, the daredevil, the businessman, the superhero, the wit, the lateral thinker, the aristocrat. He terrifies the guilty but he has great compassion for the weak and the downtrodden and will lay his life on the line for anybody who’s in trouble. He’s a master of yoga and meditation who has as much control over his body and his feelings as any human. He has a wider range of experiences than most people will dream of in ten lifetimes. This is not a one-note character! So, while I won’t pretend we all live on Sunnybrook Farm, I don’t think its appropriate – particularly in trying times – to present our fictional heroes as unsmiling vengeance machines. I’d rather Batman embodied the best that secular humanism has to offer – a sour-faced, sexually-repressed, humorless, uptight, angry, and all-round grim ‘n’ gritty Batman would be more likely to join the Taliban surely?” (again, emphasis mine) [6]

[5] Yes, I like footnotes. [6]

[6] You already knew that? [7]

[7] Oh, good.

Posted in bulldada, fnord, FREAKIN' IMPORTANT MAN, From Sean, Islamocommunifeminihomofascists, Politics and Other Things In Which I'm Not Qualified | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Taxman, Mr. Thief

Posted by shanoah on February 19, 2010

Yeah, you don’t really have to post about the guy going after the IRS if you don’t feel like it.

And I don’t have to post about the current government of Iceland proposing legislation that’ll turn it into a haven for free speech and journalists, after being really badly hit by the economy, including rioting, bankruptcy, and the government collapsing[1]. Even if I do find it interesting and somewhat encouraging.

However, the talk of the IRS does bring to mind a song. Two, actually, but I’m sure I’ve played the one by the Beatles before. So here is Cheap Trick’s ‘Taxman, Mr. Thief’. Which clearly has a reference to the first song in the title anyways (and in more then one place in the song).

And now I want to pronounce Mr. Lif to rhyme with Mr. Thief. Wonder if that’s actually the right way to say it or not? Eh, who knows? In any case, here is the song:

[1] Presumably it’s either recovered, or a new government is proposing the laws…

Posted in A Thought from a Sticky Mood, Batty, Blogs, fnord, From Shanoah, Gettin' Yer Freak On, I Tunes Not U Tunes, Politics and Other Things In Which I'm Not Qualified | Tagged: , , , | 1 Comment »

Eat Starch

Posted by shanoah on February 4, 2010

What are you talking about, Sean? I’m not going to object and go off on a tangent. I have no issues with Nuclear Bunnies.

So I’m going to go off on my own tangent without objecting. In this case, I’m going to play what is probably one of my favorite Jefferson Airplane songs. Sung by Grace Slick, this is titled Eat Starch Mom. Many of the opinions raised are opposite of my own views. But it is still completely awesome.

Posted in Apropos of Nothing, Batty, Blogs, bulldada, From Shanoah, Funny, Gettin' Yer Freak On, Gooey Gummi Goodness, I Tunes Not U Tunes, I'm probably going to hell for this, Politics and Other Things In Which I'm Not Qualified, Wenches For Your Toolbox, Wrenches for Your Toolbox | Tagged: , , , | 1 Comment »

Geocide

Posted by shanoah on October 17, 2009

No post today, because the earth has been destroyed.

Don’t take my word for it. Check the IEDAB website.

Posted in Batty, Blogs, FREAKIN' IMPORTANT MAN, From Shanoah, Politics and Other Things In Which I'm Not Qualified | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Jesus Thinks You’re…

Posted by shanoah on June 26, 2009

Well, no new deaths today that I know of, though I haven’t really checked too closely. It’d be pretty eerie if a new celebrity started dying each day for a blog theme, after all. Like Michael Jackson, who is now confirmed to have died of a heart attack. (The default method of dying from having your name written in the notebook from Death Note, as I recall.)

Don’t think we had a firm established theme before that, so I’ll fall back on what I had been doing: posting Frank Zappa songs.

This one’s a rather nice rundown of televangelists and other religious groups, Jesus Thinks You’re A Jerk. Includes jabs at Jim & Tammy, and the Ku Klux Klan, among others. Pity the lyrics shown are occassionally misspelled, or incorrect. (Bush for Pat was one noticed, for example.)

It’s a fun song lambasting various people and groups that need it, anyways. And no, not work safe.

Posted in Action Jesus, Batty, Blogs, bulldada, fnord, From Shanoah, Gettin' Yer Freak On, Gettin' Yer God Freak On, Gooey Gummi Goodness, I Tunes Not U Tunes, I'm probably going to hell for this, Islamocommunifeminihomofascists, Not Work Safe, Politics and Other Things In Which I'm Not Qualified | Tagged: , | 1 Comment »

 
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