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    Sean Daily is an English major from New Jersey now living in Las Vegas, the Other City of Lights. "I consider 'Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas' to be comfort reading, I like the al pastor tacos at Tacos Mexico and I count among my literary influences the Chainsaw from 'Doom'. 'RRRRRR! You don't like that, do you, Mr. Undead Marine! RRRRRR!'"

    Shanoah Alkire is our Discordian at large. "Born in Santa Cruz, I grew up in Grass Valley and the Bay Area, and now lurk in Las Vegas. My literary influences include Ray Bradbury, Lewis Carroll, and Douglas Adams. I also program as a hobby, and currently maintain the Gtk port of Angband. You can find a rather old bio of me here."

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8-1-08 Deep breath and… OFF the deep end…

Posted by Sean on August 1, 2008

I am somewhat left-leaning, and yet I cannot be said to be enthusiastic about Barack Obama. The only person I can be said to be less enthusiastic about is John McCain. Unfortunately, in the United States’ two-choices-is-no-choices political system, that puts me in Obama’s corner [1].

Still, the collective dream of election season has begun, and it’s probably past time I waded in and joined the dreamers. In other words, this is probably the first of many posts about the election. So you don’t waste your time, I’ll put the phrase “Silly Season” somewhere in the titles of the political posts leading up to Nov. 4. That way, you’ll be able to skip those and get on with something more rewarding, like that root canal you’ve been putting off.

Now, I don’t normally like sullying my blog with such silliness (I prefer sullying it with such silliness as Pickle Surprise), but you may remember that ad that McCain put up about Barack Obama going to the gym instead of visiting a soldier’s hospital. (And yes, I know this is old. You’ll see why I picked it in a bit…) Specifically, it was a visit to Landstuhl Regional Medical Center in Germany on July 25. According to MSNBC’s First Read site, dated that day:

Obama made phone calls to wounded soldiers at Landstuhl Germany this morning, in lieu of a personal visit to the forces that was canceled by the Obama campaign.

Obama was expected to speak to a number of soldiers individually.

That’s it: two grafs, two sentences, a non-event. I was a very bad reporter, and even I would’ve known it was a nothing story.

So thank God for McCain’s campaign staff for cluing me in! They passed around the lone brain cell that they share and came up with this. Courtesy of JohnMcCaindotcom. (Someone should tell John he doesn’t really need to spell out the “dot” in “dot com”, snark snark snark) This ad is startling, not in what it reveals about Obama, but in what it reveals about McCain. More on that below.

FactCheck.org has some little quibbles about this ad, like the fact that he’s visited two other military hospitals, one in Baghdad, during his Mideast trip without a press escort, and that the Department of Defense cancelled the trip, not Obama, because it might be percieved as a political trip. (Like the other two weren’t? Wobbity wobbity wobbity)

And MoveOn.org (ah ha! we come to the reason for this post!) has some little quibbles, too. I’m on their mailing list, and they sent out an e-mail last night that repeats the above. They also sent a link to a counter-movie from bravenewpac.

“Hmmm,” thought I. “A free link to a YouTube movie for a YouTube troll like me? Count me in!”

And thus did I become an attack dog for MoveOn.org.

I’ve got a couple little quibbles about McCain’s ad, too:

  1. Why would a soldier who’d held his friend’s guts in his hands just moments before having part of his leg blown off even want to meet a presidential candidate? “Hmmmm… I can meet a junior senator from Illinois, or I can go to physical therapy and learn how to walk again… tough choice…”
  2. And please tell me how the hell this is a dis? especially when Obama’s visited two other military hospitals during his trip, one of them in Baghdad?
  3. And even if it was a dis, I don’t care. I frankly don’t care if Obama (or McCain!) took a detour to Arlington National Cemetery to piss on the grave of Omar Bradley. I’m getting to the point where I’ll overlook minor felonies in both the candidates – hell, all the candidates. Just put someone in the White House who can undo the mess of eight years of George W. Bush.

It’s amazing, stepping back a bit, just how petty McCain’s ad is (but, then, it is an election ad…). This supposed “controversy” is like one of the unhealthier strains of fungi: Expose it to even a hint of sunlight and it dries up and blows away.

The reason is simple. Take the veil off for a minute and look at this clearly and dispassionately: What does this manufactured tempest-in-a-teacup about Obama’s decision or ability to visit a hospital have to do with, well, anything?

What does it tell us about his policies? His plans? His decision-making skills? His emotional stability? His statesmanship? His (Gods help me for using this word) character?

Nothing.

Jack, zip, nada and nothing. 

But it does tell me a lot about McCain’s (ack! ptui!) character: He’s petty. He panics easy. He’ll lie to your face about playing it above board and then slip a knife into you under the table.

Lemme ask ya this: Is that the kind of president that you want?

Now that we’ve set out the troll bait, let’s get back into the blind with David Attenborough and see what happens.

The male Republican staffer troll approaches the bait. If he doesn’t like what he sees, he will flash his genitals at it as a warning – yes, there he goes! And those are remarkably small genitals for such a large specimen! Words like “pencil dick” and “micropenis” come to mind. As you can see, the bait is not submissively urinating at the troll’s display, which clearly has confused the troll so… OH MY GOD! Steve, did you get that! I’ve never seen such a ferocious and utterly mindless attack in all my life! It’s almost like the troll lost its head and went completely insane!

[1] I wish the United States had the political system of a place like France. France has, what, a political party for every three people [2]? And they all have a seat in Parliament? And they all hate each other? And there are major riots every four days or so? Dude, government-by-riot would RAWK.

[2] I would belong to Les hauts Explosifs et les Chapeaux Bêtes – the High Explosives and Silly Hats party. Yes! A pound of Semtex in every pot and a baby bonnet on every head! [3]

[3] Yes, I like Monty Python. How did you guess? [4]

[4] I also like footnotes. [5]

[5] Like this one. [6]

[6] Yes, I stole that joke from you, Shanoah.

One Response to “8-1-08 Deep breath and… OFF the deep end…”

  1. […] 8-1-08 Deep breath and… OFF the deep end… […]

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